A Letter To Money

"I was so mad. Mad at money. It sounds ridiculous, but I was and until I forgave it, I battled for it all the time." - Mandy McGowan

Forgiving money, I get it, it sounds ridiculous. And... it kind of feels ridiculous the first time you do it. Then you see the impact it has on your daily life, your financial circumstances and your outlook on money and you realize there might be something to the concept.

I remember the first time I had to forgive money. It was in 2016, I was running a business that was generating close to a million dollars in revenue and had over 30 employees. I hadn't taken a paycheck in 10 months, my mortgage (and every other bill if I am being honest) was overdue and my marriage was on it's last breath.

I was BROKE! Delivering pizzas in the evenings, hoping no one I knew ordered a pizza I had to deliver, just to make sure I could feed my kids.

I was mad. I was mad at all of my staff for not "doing better". I was mad at clients for not paying faster. I was mad at vendors for not costing me less. I was mad at myself for not "being smarter". I was mad at money for failing me.

The whole story here is for another post on another day so let's get back to a letter to money and what I mean by that.

As I was going through the difficult process of saving my business, catching up financially, getting divorced and raising my kids, I was angry. All the time, angry. It had become my natural state of being- I woke up angry, I went to bed angry and I faked it for my kids during the day.

One day I was reading a blog post about forgiveness. The post said that when you are really mad at someone and can't tell them directly how mad you are, or you aren't ready to, that writing a letter was the next best thing.

I sat myself right down and wrote several. One to my staff members I had been angry with, to my soon to be ex-husband even to myself. I was still angry. Until it hit me, I was mad at money. I was mad that it had been there in such abundance and left just as quickly. I was mad that I couldn't seem to get ahead financially. I was mad that it had failed me so horribly. I was so mad. Mad at money. It sounds ridiculous, but I was and until I forgave it, I battled for it all the time.

The more common term I see is a love letter to money. I wasn't there yet. I was mad and knew I needed to move past the anger to be able to feel the love.

So I grabbed a piece of paper, a pen and went and sat on my back porch and started writing. I told money all the reasons I was mad, how it had failed me, how it had not been there for me, how I felt like it had abandoned me and I was never going to be good enough. I wrote this like I was writing to another human being. Then after pouring out all my emotions around money onto those pages, I wrote one very simple but profound sentence to close it all out.

"I forgive you money and I am ready to work with you not against you."

Writing to money is a multi-step process and is not done in one letter.

Below are the steps of how to heal your relationship with money through letters.

1. Express your fears and feelings to clear out the negative

 Before you can start to improve any relationship, you have to acknowledge what is holding you back.

What are you afraid of?

Where do you feel like things should have been better and weren't?

Who are you mad at over money?

What do you hold shame or guilt around when it comes to money?

All the things, pour it into that first letter. At the end of that first letter, let money know you forgive it and are ready for a better relationship with it.

Do as you wish with this letter- some people burn it, others shred it and some save it. However you can feel complete around this, do that!

2. Write a second letter a couple of days later

Without reading your first letter, write a second letter with the exact same purpose.

Did anything different come up for you this time?

Do you feel less energy around the negatives?

This is a process. I wrote a similar letter pretty regularly for over a year, and then every few months after that until I had no energy around it. That is how I knew this part was complete. You can move through the other steps while still working on this one, just give yourself grace here... it is a journey, not a short trip.

3. Write a letter from a year down the road perspective

Imagine you are a year down the road and you are sitting in the best possible outcome.

Write a letter of gratitude to money around this.

Think about what your financial life looks like, how you feel about money, what is better and what has changed.

4. Do this over and over until you feel the shift and it lasts

Sometimes after writing the letters I would feel the shift but a few hours later I would be back in the emotion of it all.

Over time, I could write a letter and feel the shift last for several days and then weeks and then the need to write letters came fewer and farther between.

We deal with a lot of money trauma in our world, in our upbringing and in our daily lives. If we choose to ignore it, it will guide us subconsciously.

Taking control is the first step and the first step to taking control is a letter to money.

Eight years later, I still run a business, it provides for our family and I love what I do. I still have moments of stress around money, wondering how we are going to pay for that big and unexpected thing, feeling like we don't travel enough, worrying about retirement- but they don't last as long, they don't pull me down like they used to and if one feels extra heavy, I grab out my pen and paper and get to writing.

If you are in a space where you are struggling to create what you want in your business, feeling like you are fighting a losing battle financially, I encourage you to start with this letter and see how that shifts. You can also reach out and see if my coaching might be a good fit for your goals and needs.

Here is to forgiving money and loving it with our whole beings!